Creating Boundaries...

I struggle with boundaries. I struggle with how to create them. I struggle with every aspect of them. Yet I need to learn how not to struggle with them and how to create them; with or without hurting every ones feelings.

I get a call today from Kyle's PDoc. She is a wonderful lady. We have seen her for the past 4 years (I think it is about that). She and I have had some huge heart to hearts and she knows how much I didn't want to "label" my son as bipolar. Yet because of our current insurance we had to.

This past Wednesday was Kyle's appointment with her. I have cancelled the last two because of school issues (he was in fights and had to serve detention or he would be suspended out of school for a week, etc.). I really did not want to miss another appointment.

I was going to leave the hospital and take Kyle out there and then go back to the hospital to get Todd or whatever we needed to do. Instead my mom offered to take him out there. I was so tired and run down I said yes. I had printed out a letter before leaving to the doctor so she knew how I felt things were going. I was not sure if it would get to her or not though...

It did get to her. Anyway back to the story - she calls tonight with Kyle's blood levels for the med he is on and it has dropped a fair amount and so she feels that might be where some of the sleeping and other issues are coming from. I agree... So we are upping the dose.

She did ask me though if my mom had told me what was said and I said no. She goes on to inform me that, "No one in the family believes Kyle is bipolar. He is just ADHD and I have no idea how to control him. When he is at our house we have no problems getting him to mind or do his chores or go to sleep. It is just his mom who has problems." and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Talk about being hurt. I do not even know how to address any of this right now. I am struggling with what to say, what to do, what to think. You get the idea.

My parents never helped me while I was growing up. I didn't see a therapist until after I ran away from home. It was the only way I was allowed to talk to my brother and sister when I left home. I was never diagnosed with anything until I was 22 years old.

I watch my dad go through mood swings like crazy and my brother is the same way. I see mood disorders in them. Of course nothing is wrong though and no one really believes I have bipolar either I am beginning to think.

I feel as if I need to have a conference with my family and say, "Look thank you for raising him when I could not but he is with me now and as much as I love your input - he is under my care and my decisions; even if you do not agree with them."

Yet the last time I did that it ended up with my parents not speaking to me a whole bunch because I don't love them.

They are all or nothing. You can not speak to them without going to extremes. "Fine you don't want me to clean his room then I won't. You think I am butting in well I just won't call or do anything with them or for you then." I dread speaking to them because of those kind of comments.

In all honesty right now even when thinking about all of this I am remarkable calm (thank you Lord for that). I am just frustrated with when or how or what to do. The thing is - that I know what I need to do but I just do not know how to accomplish it without alienating all my family...