From good to bad...

The problem Sheila is I addressed it and well it never goes well.
He refused to talk to me because what I was talking about was (sorry exact words are escaping me right now) invalid.
I bought each of the kids 3 new outfits for school yesterday. They need clothes. All of their pants come above their ankles and all summer I just made them wear them because I wasn't going to spend money on new clothes for them to grow out of them before school started. He has made comments all summer long about how their pants and shirts don't fit but I never did anything about it.
I also bought a couple of books on cholesterol (cook books) so I can learn to cook for him the right way.
Then I made the mistake of buying those auto bathtub cleaners. I am a horrible house cleaner/keeper. I KNOW THIS! He makes comments about it all the time and really I don't need to hear it because I am aware of the fact that I suck at it. So I got this because I thought okay if that can keep my showers clean then that is one less thing I have to worry about.
I have already purchased over 1/2 of the things the kids need for school so I thought clothes would be okay to get.
Boy was I wrong...
He started making comments about what I was buying and how we are tight on money and how he is stressed because his company might not make it and in a couple of months will run out of money because the outstanding invoices are not going to be paid for at least 60 days. Then it was you knew I was already going to be at least $300 short on bills at the beginning of the month and so on.
I walked away.
After a little thinking I went into the bedroom (it was his bedtime and this was wrong of me) and asked if we could talk without the TV for a moment. He said sure and then would not turn the TV off - was pissed because I have to make such a big deal out of everything and he is trying to settle down and go to sleep and I have to talk to him right then. (let me say that my oldest has been without TV and games since Sunday and it is all because we have not talked about how long he will be without them and it is because DH has no time to talk about it during the day).
He finally turned the TV off and I said I am upset about some things and I would like to share them with you. You are complaining about the money I am spending because you can't cover bills and yet you are putting $600 a month away for a vacation I am not allowed to go on. You just went out and spent a ton of money on a fishing reel for our son.
Then he interrupts and lets me know he was replacing the reel "we" lost and if I wanted to pay for 1/2 of it he would gladly accept my money and in the first place his dad paid $40 of it.
Then I talk about the $600 a month going into saving for a vacation. He stops me and tells me that those are invalid points because those are things he was/is going to do no matter what. That it is (essentially) his money and he is going to do what he wants before he can't do it anymore with or without me. I was his first choice to go on this vacation but since I refuse to ski I am not allowed to go because he needs someone on the mountain with him in case something happens to him. He proceeds to tell me that I am the one with the issue because I enjoyed skiing at one point.
I then explained to him I lied to him about liking to ski because we were not getting along and he was going to go on a vacation to Austria with or without me and if I was not skiing I was not allowed to go so I lied to him. He said well then it your own fault (which is true).
I then called him a selfish jack**** and it all went downhill from there.
He ended the conversation and I would not shut up.
In the end he called me a few choice words screaming them in my face. He threw the remote control at me. He pinned me to the bed and was yelling in my face telling him how it was all my fault because I push all his buttons (I seriously asked him to hit me because those might hurt but they don't last as long and he laughed and said you would like that wouldn't you then you could be rid of me). That I have some thing seriously wrong in my head because I do this once every 6 months if not sooner and I need to get it checked out. That he isn't doing this anymore and he should not have to deal with this bull****. That he will gladly split the "bills" with me because what I pay are just expenditures and EVERYONE has to pay those. I don't pay bills. That if I would just save my money instead of spending it on crap that isn't needed I would be able to go on trips and vacations as well (keep in mind ONE of his paychecks is more than I get in a month).
It goes on...
He left after a bit and I cried and went through my kitchen and dinning room throwing out a ton of crap. Filled up our trash can actually.
I am just crushed and I am wondering why I keep on doing this to myself. I just need to never open my mouth because I am the one who is wrong and I just never stop when I do. I bring it all upon myself.

I know I did push his buttons and I should have stopped but right now I just need prayer and guidance and I am worn out and looking for a job I doubt I will be able to keep if I get.